‘When I was younger you always knew best,
And as I grew up I never would have guessed,
That everything you told me was right,
And I just needed to put up a fight.
You would tell me I was wrong,
And we would do the same dance and song,
Only for me to learn,
That there are certain things in my life you earn.
You always pushed me to be more,
But only because you wanted me to soar,
You told me I could accomplish whatever I wanted to,
And all I want is to be just like you,
The most valuable thing we can do for our children is to “parent them the right way”.
Our children are affected more by our kind of parenting than anything in the world. We are the first point of influence they have.
The way we parent them sends a ripple effect in the chain of life. That is, through the society and anything that has to do with them. Their action affects their future and the future of others; negatively or positively.
If parenting is valuable to us then we would need to place more value on it. Pay attention to it and prioritized it over other things.
Parenting is not an easy task, and it is without off-days. Deciding to do this means devoting our time, commitment and energy to it. We must be ready to spend quality time with our children, guide them, have fun with them, educate and most especially listen to them.
We should always remember this; whatever we pass to our children is what they will exhibit. Shape their lives by giving them good values.
Be a good and caring parent, full of understanding and love, and your child will develop the same nature.
Parents face challenging issues like discipline, decision making and a whole lot of issues as regards raising our children RIGHT.
Some challenges most parents face are:
Our children can push us beyond limit because they are not obedient sometimes. Maintain your parental control by staying in control, even when you are angry. Be mindful of your choice of words when angry.
Controlling children to the extreme can make your children become defiant, disrespectful and depressed, especially your teenagers. Sometimes, it is better you take a step backwards and allow your children figure things out unaided. Allow them experience the consequences of their actions.
Oftentimes, we allow fear to get the better part of us. Fear of the unknown. Fear sets in when we think we are not doing a good job as parents, contemplating and asking ourselves,
WHAT IF I FAIL AS A PARENT?
Lookaway from all these and focus on the good job you’re doing. Take a step backwards and look at the BEAUTIFUL THINGS in front of you. You will become more positive thereafter.
If your expectations for your children are too high, they become pressurised. Give your child the opportunity to be a child. Set realistic and attainable expectations for your child!
Work through handling challenges that come with parenting and help your children be the best.
Emotional intelligence resides in each and every one of us. It is simply an ability to control, evaluate and express our emotions in different ways. Growing up into the adults that we are, we may have learnt a thing or two concerning building our emotions in certain ways based on our experiences in life. In terms of teaching others, especially our children, on how to raise their emotional intelligence, there are some suggestions listed below:
KNOWING YOUR CHILD
The first thing to do is to know your child. Knowing your child is in different phases. You can know them in terms of their likes and dislikes, what inspires them, what triggers any form of discomfort in them, etc. Once you know your child to this extent, you would be able to teach them how to manage their emotional reactions to a certain level. This is a form of teaching them problem solving.
ALLOW THEM TO EXPRESS THEMSELVES
It wont be a proper thing to see your child always moody. In fact, being moody is a type of emotion on its own, but in a case where your child has just one expression of emotion to the extent that you cant decipher whether or not he or she is angry or happy, something has to be done. Try to speak to them and encourage them to outwardly express whatever they are feeling on the inside, in order to avoid being trapped from within. Make them know that youre open to accepting whatever they express. You can also show them examples by expressing your emotions towards them, but do it with caution to avoid any form of irritation from them.
BE ATTENTIVE TO THEIR FEELINGS
Dont be too busy to be attentive to their feelings. No matter how little your child is, whether the child is a baby or a toddler, they have feelings and its your duty to pay attention to them. Once there is a feeling, there is a tendency for it to be expressed.
TELL THEM ABOUT YOUR EMOTIONS
Showing your children your emotional expression is a good way of teaching your kids how to raise their emotional intelligence. Try to tell them the feelings you’re having and play it out for them. Leave it for them to perceive it themselves and tell what youre feeling.
One thing parents wouldnt take lightly is to hear that their children are complaining about the way they are being treated by their teacher(s) in school. Most parents will NOT just fold their arms and let it go, they must take an action as soon as possible. So, when you decide to do something about it, how would you go about handling such situation?
Would you go to your child’s school, with guns blazing and yelling at the teacher and making him or her apologize for whatever the denunciation is?
Would you send your child back to school with one of those “MY MOMMY SAID… kind of message to the teacher?
Would you wait for your child to come back with the same complaints for the 5th or 8th time before taking some overdue actions?
Well, it could be a sensitive issue that requires a sensitive approach, so knowing what to do is very important, but firstly, in handling a situation as delicate as this, there is one thing to consider: Teachers are seen as a representation of us parents, as they too have the capacity to be caring, dedicated and well -trained in ways of making impacts on their pupils. With that said, here are actionable steps you can take in order to attend to a situation whereby your child comes reporting his or her teacher for maltreating him /her.
FIND OUT MORE
The first and most important thing to do when you get such complaints from your child is to ask questions. Dont be a parent who shoots first and asks questions later. Always be patient to know what the matter really is before taking any action. Sometimes it may seem like the teacher actually did something bad to your child based on how your child communicate it to you, but it isnt always like that, as the child might have communicated to you poorly, or you might just have misunderstood your child’s communication.
A child comes home and says to her mother MOMMY, EVERYBODY IN MY CLASS HATES ME”.
Obviously that’s not possible, but it’s something you should not let pass either, rather your attention as a parent should be, WHAT COULD HAVE POSSIBLY TRANSPIRED FOR YOUR CHILD TO HAVE SUCH WRONG NOTIONS?”, So whether it’s true or not, it requires the parent’s attention.
Try to empathize with your children. This is more like an encouragement you give to them if such complaints come to you, especially if you know your childs teacher very well and you both are always communicating about your child’s progress, youd know that he or she was, most likely, only trying to bring out the best in your child. What you should do is; let your children know that there is something great inside of them and their teachers are only trying to help bring out that greatness from within them.
Step 2 would be to inform the teacher; and with that information, the teacher can work better with your child as a tip off has been made of your child’s state of mind.
STRAIGHTEN THINGS OUT
At this point, you should try to make your child see from the teachers perspective, and you explain that the teacher would have only meant well for him or her. Having heard the complaints of your child, try not to say negative things about the teacher. Saying such things about teachers in the presence of children is bad for everyone involved; your child inclusive, as your child loses respect for the teacher. Try to make them understand that teachers are to be respected, listened to and obeyed.
Some schools have policies about situations as these. If after more findings you still have strong reasons to believe your child is being maltreated, abused or threatened in any form or way, as a parent it’s your duty to pursue further by presenting your case to the authorities of the school your child attends for further investigations or recommendations.
Children need to learn how to handle different kinds of people, especially when dealing with their friends. It’s needful for us as parents to teach them how to handle “unfriendly” friends. The relationship they build as children form a pattern for them in their future relationships, even to some extent, their choices of husbands or wives.
From time to time, engage in conversations with your children about their friends. Without being too fussy or intrusive, ask them how they feel about their friends or what they have observed about them. Help your children know and understand that there are some relationships that can go toxic and such should be avoided.
Encourage your child to have a wide variety of “GOOD” friends; they could be from school, church, relatives or the neighbors, so when they get into higher institutions, they would most likely know how to get along with different people, with various backgrounds and be diplomatic in their dealings with them.
As parents we won’t always be right there in helping our children choose their friends, a better way is to equip them with the right moral standards to influence their decisions when it comes to choosing friends on their own.
The concept of gratitude will be meaningless to many children if it is not constantly practiced. The challenge for today’s parents is making the act of gratitude an everyday experience, right from when their children are over a year. Encourage and teach them to be grateful for everything, early in their childhood. It is good to start early so that the act of gratitude is habitual before they become teens.
As parents, when we show gratitude in our daily activities, our children will naturally copy us and grow up noticing that gratitude is important in life. Children tend to copy what they see adults do, so when we value others, they will do the same. Help them see the positive side in any situation. As they see their parents being thankful always, the positive energy flows toward them.
Teach your children to give and share what they have. Teach them the importance of the happiness that comes from sharing. Create opportunities for them to see and know what less privileged children go through. This will have a positive effect on them. They’ll be thankful for what they have and look after what they possess.
Teach them how to say thank you always to others and expressing joy when others go out of their way to help them, the simplest way to do this is telling them “Thank you” whenever they are done with an errand or chore.
Help your children become the best they can be, morally.
Friendship is like a planted bean seed, after planting the seed, you water it and let it grow. The seed may wither no matter what you do to make it grow, or it could grow into a beautiful plant that would later bear precious fruits. This analogy says a lot about how we build and keep good friendship. So, teach your children the same.
Help your children to understand the following:
If there’s someone in your school whom you would love to be friends with , do not be afraid, walk up to the person with a beautiful smile on your face and start a conversation. You can begin by introducing yourself to that person. You should also give honest answers when asked questions about yourself, and feel free to ask questions too, as this is a great way to know your friends.
Let your child know that friendship is not just about taking, but also given, so when they see another pupil who is too shy to talk with others to make friends, they can go over to the person and introduce themselves, ask friendly questions and help the person feel better.
Children should understand that making friends isn’t that hard. It could be as easy as always having a smile on one’s face. A genuine smile just has a way of easily having older children get drawn to you.
In other to make and keep good company, teach your children to speak respectfully to their peers, because being rude and boastful will only make others avoid being around you.
It is very important children maintain good and healthy relationship. Even as kids, a positive social life with their peers brings a balance in their total well-being. Most children who become bullies were just children who couldn’t find any other way to make friends apart from causing other to feel worse than they feel.
So, after your child returns from school and he is well rested after a meal, ask him or her how the school was, what they did, etc. Listen to their replies. Get to know the names of his or her class mates, understand their facial expressions and reactions, and you will be able to tell the friends he spends most of his or her time with. Some parents may even go an extra mile to know the child and his or her parents and build a relationship from there. This will make both kids to keep that good relationship even after school.
In conclusion, if for whatever reason your child is yet to make good friends, don’t forget to always remind him or her by saying “I LOVE YOU. YOU ARE SPECIAL.”
Children have big plans for their future. Some have really big dreams, while some have near impossible dreams. Our duty as parents is to encourage and guide them to achieve their dreams.
- Teach them how to make decisions. They can begin with little decision-making. Like picking out their own clothes, shoes, and even the friends they keep. Guide them through decision-making and help them to know that it’s also wise to seek advice from adults before making decisions.
- Let them figure things out for themselves by solving their own problems as they grow older.
- Help build their self-confidence by encouraging them to learn new things and engage in extracurricular activities. It creates room for an open mind and challenges them to do what they might perceive as impossible.
- Teach them the importance of teamwork. Being able to work with people requires co-operation and good communication skills. Help them develop these traits.
- Do not shield them from failures and disappointments. If they are always shielded from failures, they may never get to understand the positive side of taking risks. Also, they’ll have trouble understanding when they are faced with failures in their pursuit of success as adults.
- Honesty is a trait that can be developed in our children. Show them in your character that it is a good thing to be honest and transparent in your daily dealings. Children are great copycats; they follow after you, so take advantage of that.
These points may not be all there is to raising great leaders, but let’s have it in mind that we can mould our children into great leaders only if we put in our efforts.